Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Could be because it’s summer, but I’m just over my hair yet again. Once it hits my neck, it’s just annoying. I called my dad the other day. Mentioned I was thinking of chopping my hair off again. He asked me why. Why oh why. So many reasons. 

1. I have such fine hair that hair clips meant for newborn babies slide all over the place or just flat out fall out of it. 

2. Even if I do style my hair, it takes about a can of hairspray to hold it and that lasts about 20 minutes.  But also I just don’t style my hair. It’s so much effort, for what? It’s hair. 

3. Because of my auto-immune issues, I am very very sensitive to heat and temp changes. Sometimes even inside in the AC. My temperature control just flat out sucks. Since I’m usually too hot, the second my hair grows as long as my neck, I am melting and miserable. 

4. It just feels really good. I loved rubbing the back of my head when I used clippers on it before. That felt even better than the pixie I had for so long felt. Being comfy in your own skin (or hair) is important. When I wasn’t this comfy being me, I was pretty flipping miserable. 

5. Just because I want to. I don’t really wear makeup. I don’t care about clothes much, so long as I’m comfy, I’m good. My hair is kind of my one fashion thing I have left. Usually when I want to feel more me, I dye it a fun color. But ever since that first pixie cut, I also just love it shorter. 

6. Really I think gender norms are silly human inventions. And they change so often that they’re meaningless. I don’t care how someone else says my hair should look. I discuss it with the hubs, but ultimately it’s my hair and my choice (yay for men who believe in women having choices in this day and age). 

7. I am a mama. Toddlers have a lot of energy. My own hair is the least of my concerns. She comes first always and anyway I can make the day easier is a win for me. 

I think that’s it? 

Think I’m gonna use this as a public journal again. Or not. I used to love blogging. Now I just don’t even know what to write here. Maybe I will stick to things like this post. Or maybe I’m gonna go silent on her for months again. Been thinking of ditching the whole online as DelusionalAngel thing. It’s from a whole different time of my life when I was, well, not a whole different person, but I was different. I made more mistakes. I was miserable with no idea how to love myself. And it just was ironic to me. Now, I don’t know what kind of name I’d use but a different one. 

Also a sad anniversary is just around the corner. It’s so hard to believe that she’s been gone almost 18 years. She’s been gone longer than I knew her in life now. And I still have her in my top 5 people I want to tell any news too. I’ll always be so thankful I had her in my life as long as I did. I wouldn’t be here typing this if she hadn’t existed back then. 

Two weeks to make a habit?