27 March 2018

The shaming of those dealing with infertility

One of the things that I have found during this journey toward parenthood is that people won't even think twice about shaming those of us dealing with infertility for not choosing the option they feel is best.

So you're adopting, why didn't you foster?  What is embryo adoption and why didn't you adopt?  Etc etc.

It is especially upsetting when it's coming from people who don't even know your situation.  Oh, we should adopt instead of doing embryo adoption?  Maybe if you knew what you were talking about, you'd know we did sign a contract with one of the country's larger, more established agencies.  We did pay up.  Then we found out they were taking on way way way more adoptive parents than they could ever find matches for, they begged us for more money, and finally closed with no warning or support despite laws in place that require they handle the closing differently.  And those people who ran the agency into the ground are now working in other adoption related businesses.  So if adoption is your answer for us, you may be suggesting we go back to the very people who took our money and ran.  No thank you.

You really shouldn't be shaming people for taking a different route to parenthood than you take in the same situation.  Especially if you don't know what led them to their decision.  Maybe they did try one or more of your preferred paths before ending up where they did.

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