31 January 2018

1 year since IAC closed

Today is the one year anniversary of IAC (Independent Adoption Center) closing. I don't think about it much anymore, not since we decided to go the donor embryo route instead. When it does come up though, I still feel pretty angry and cynical about adoption. I was watching documentary "One More Shot" on Netflix. It focuses on a couple who end up going the embryo donor route after having dealt with infertility for several years. There are other people interviewed though and those secondary interviewees included one couple that chose adoption. The wife was wearing an IAC shirt and I just cringed. Since the documentary was filmed over a several year period starting a few years before IAC went under, I did actually wonder if we'd see them lose everything. Luckily they were one of the couples who did actually complete an adoption through IAC in the years before they closed.

Since the closure, I've seen posts about people involved with IAC hosting fundraisers but haven't heard of anyone truly benefitting from those. I have been contacted by someone from IAC letting me know of their new adoption related business. Not sure how she thought that was in good taste. There were some very nice people there, but they were paid to be nice. I do somewhat blame them all. They knew how many families they were bringing in vs how many expectant mothers were using their offices. They knew. One did save us a few thousand dollars at the end, so I probably blame her the least as she answered our questions about the money grab at the end honestly instead of with an answer that would have been in the best interest of the company.

 Knowing what I know now I wish we had gone for the donor embryo route straight from the beginning. I would not recommend adoption to anyone unless they have a friend or family member coming to them and asking them to parent their child. There's always the foster system, but since the main goal is (and should be) to get those children back with their biological family whenever possible, it's obviously not for everyone. 

There needs to be a mass overhaul of the private system. There are some protections for birthparents up until finalization, as there should be. There are practically no laws or protections beyond that. Agencies can take on as many prospective parents as they want, collect the money ahead of time, operate like a pyramid scheme until they cannot pay the bills, then walk away. There is nothing preventing this from happening again. There have, to the best of my knowledge, been no punishments of any sort for those who did just walk away despite the fact that they didn't follow the rules that are in place for such an agency closing. My understanding is that most of the people who ignored them are still working in adoption.

 Hopefully in the next few months we'll get pregnant. I feel like our odds as better than they were with adoption, which is odd to me. I always thought adoption was it. Now I see it as the least secure option. I have heard of too many people who lost so much time and money only to end up elsewhere starting from scratch. I've heard of people paying multiple agencies only to get scammed and failed matches, losing more money along the way. No one truly prepares you for how hard it is to try to adopt. They prepare you for matches that fall apart. They say that's the worst. I am sure it is the worst most of the time. But the reality is you may be with an agency that can never deliver what they promise, don't vet their expectant mothers well (if at all), etc.

 I'm just glad that part of our lives is closed. But when you're betrayed by those trained to handle the most sensitive of issues -- people who provide counseling as part of their jobs? It does leave you feeling a lot more beaten down than some of the other let downs life throws at you. It also leaves you quite angry that these people can just move on to the next company and do it again with no repercussions but a nice healthy bank account, filled partially by you.



DelusionalAngel.com Template by Ipietoon Cute Blog Design and Bukit Gambang