13 August 2008

One Headlight

Right so uber secret top secret project is done, may touch up some lines or the grass or I may leave it as is. I think CynDee is telling me leave it and it’s really for her I guess. I figured as long as her memory is somehow trying to haunt me well before the anniversary of her death, and as long as One Headlight by The Wallflowers wouldn’t leave me alone, I’d drown myself in it… And then it hit me. I’ve been wanting to paint something I’d like and let’s face it I never like anything I do. And since she’s died I keep saying I’ll write or draw or do something worthy of her. I’m not sure this is it, but something seemed to be ordering me to do this so I did. And when I say something ordered me to, I mean it. As I was listening to the song over and over and somehow not getting sick of it, something in my silly broken brain kept saying “keep listening” – and it hit me and I sketched it out rather badly. Nothing ever just came to me before like this, even just those catroon’y girl faces that all look alike take effort still.

Brian seemed to like it. I’m not sure if he was humouring me or babying me — because it was about CynDee. I’m pretty sure even saying her name still makes my expression change…. anyway, yeah… Not sure if it was that, or if he really likes it…. and I think I was supposed to be sad doing this and it’s supposed to seem morbid somehow as the road ends at just a grave in the middle of nothing but two trees. But the whole time I just smiled — like a big aha smile. Maybe THAT in itself is morbid. But honestly it’s the first time since she’s been gone I feel I’ve done something to celebrate her, besides the tattoo of course.

So… Yeah, the song One Headlight inspired my painting for her… and I dunno if I’ll touch it up or not, I think she’d tell me it’s fine as it is, I want to touch up the grass and stuff but when I try to it just looks wrong. So who knows. Posting it now because I think what CynDee would say is going to win and it’s probably done. So to my Angel, My Sister, My friend version of a “soul mate” who for some reason had to leave us way way too soon… I’ll always miss you and in memory of you — a bit before the anniversary of the day I lost you…

Wow, I rambled, but for once, imperfections and all I’m happy with something I created…


DelusionalAngel said...

Pasting comments here from the old host -

August 13th, 2008 - 7:13 am
What a beautiful tribute!

August 13th, 2008 - 6:50 pm
@Melissa: Thank you


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