12 April 2003

My Battle

They tell me I should learn
To do this by myself
Numb hands, tingling, sometimes shaky
Would you want me to shoot you up?
Me neither

I am not afraid to admit
I need their help

They open up the package
Hundreds of dollars worth of plastic, chemicals, cotton, and metal
Peel back the layers
On my own weapons of mass destruction
Not a war against anyone
Instead a battle inside of me
A cerebral assassin
With a spine that is weak

The attack will start soon
Hopefully it will be a quick one

A white powder looks like flour 
In it’s small glass vial
Liquid like water
Swirled together
Looks like fluffy clouds
But I will not try to find the hidden picture
Not in this cloudy treatment

A quick stab
It flows throughout my body
And I wait

Hours later the disaster hits
A cold war flourishing inside of me
Shivering, feeling the cold take me away
But wait
A heat wave flashes 
Skin hot to the touch
Conflicting sensations

The ice picks stabbing my head and neck
It’s too hard to fight

But I will
I have to

And as the dust clears
And life gets back to "normal"
I know that there will be
Yet another battle next week
Same time
Same place

That is ok
For I will win 
This war

Against my own body

April 12, 2003



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