Someday I’ll write a more detailed summary of this stuff. The truth is it’s hard to write a summary. The American medical system is a joke. Right now I have no insurance, no income, no nothing but the support of some good people. Getting a diagnosis was a bitch and as it turned out, I got two (well more than two but hey who wants to count all of the screw ups?). I’ve been on meds that probably helped save me a lot of grief, perhaps my life? But also that caused me to gain lots of weight, caused my teeth to start go bad (my dentist loves me), meds I should have been on I haven’t been on at times due to the costs and meds I shouldn’t have been on I’ve been put on.
In short, I have Multiple Sclerosis (diagnosed March 2003 and October 2007 - long story, I tell ya) and Sarcoidosis (diagnosed November 2002). And when you see a chubby girl in a handicap parking spot, don’t assume she’s just fat and lazy and taking a spot from someone “truly” disabled - I promise my doctors had to fill out forms stating why I need that space. I’m not lazy, I push myself harder than I should. And looking at me you’d never know how much I’ve suffered. In fact, though I’ve kept a relatively honest journal online for years (relatively only in that I don’t post EVERYTHING but everything I post is honest) where I bitch freely, in person whether in pain or not, tired or not, I try to stay positive and you Mr. or Ms. Stranger will never know just by looking at me that right then I might be struggling to walk, to feel my arms and legs, to stay alert because my brain and spine look like this:
Those arrows are, indeed, pointing at damage. Hopefully, those bright spots don’t appear in your brain. In the simplest terms they can screw things all up — but not always. It can be random. See the brain is a funny thing. It keeps us going, it sends instructions to everything else, arm move… but some days those bright spots interfere with those messages getting to where they’re going. So I don’t know from day to day how my body will behave or not behave. Some days are really bad, some are ALMOST “normal”. But since it’s all started I’ve never been 100% “normal” err *cough* ok.. normal is a silly word. I’ve not been like I was before this began.
Because I had to quit my job when my symptoms began to affect my abilities to function both at work and at home, I’ve turned to other things to keep me busy. First it was chainmail (the metal craft, not the spammy emails etc) and cross-stitch. Those are a bit tough on my hands and eyes now, so the main site you’re seeing here, is my current way to stay busy — I’m teaching myself to draw. Sometimes it turns out badly, sometimes I like what I accomplish. Either way it’s not a “natural” talent and can be a struggle on some days to even attempt this hobby, but I’m trying and hopefully slowly improving anyway.
